[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":102},["ShallowReactive",2],{"/2026/say-sth-to-me":3,"surround-/2026/say-sth-to-me":95},{"id":4,"title":5,"body":6,"categories":70,"comment":72,"date":73,"description":74,"donation":72,"draft":75,"extension":76,"image":77,"meta":78,"navigation":72,"path":80,"permalink":77,"postfooter":72,"published":77,"readingTime":81,"recommend":77,"references":77,"seo":86,"sitemap":87,"stem":88,"tags":89,"type":92,"updated":93,"__hash__":94},"content/posts/2026/say-sth-to-me.md","单纯想写点什么",{"type":7,"value":8,"toc":66},"minimark",[9,17,23,31,34,37,54,57,60,63],[10,11,12,13],"p",{},"今天刷到一个视频, 很久以前好像也见过类似的贴子: ",[14,15,16],"strong",{},"你愿意和现在的自己谈恋爱吗?",[18,19,20],"blockquote",{},[10,21,22],{},"不愿意.",[10,24,25,26,30],{},"从小可能没经历过太多的变故, 多少有些温室的花朵了, 说不上顺, 但真正意义上的逆是没怎么遇到. \"责任\"对我来说像是一个单纯的概念, 实际真正该承担了, 却不知道该怎么办, 因为已经没有时间来改变了吗? 还是担心自己能不能做好. 有些像拖延症的plus: ",[27,28,29],"em",{},"总觉得自己能做到, 还有这么久呢, 不着急, 肯定能行的",". 今天无所事事的溜走了, 明天补一下, 周而复始, 骗了自己, 也骗了相信自己的人.",[10,32,33],{},"都说要和过去的自己和解, 不要责怪当初的自己, 那会他也很迷茫. 看过不少TED或者类似的访谈, 不理解, 后悔就是后悔, 做错就是做错, 为什么要用现在的成熟或者豁达来否定/美化过去呢.",[10,35,36],{},"我自认为自己不是一个很好的人, 感觉只有年龄步入了大人的阶段. 说好听点会顾虑很多事, 事实是对大部分事情的未知性感到恐惧, 失败了怎么办? 没做到会怎样? 然后就失去了很多机会. 学习上看这看那, 无法专一, 总觉得能一口吃个大胖子; 应聘时会怕这怕那, 会不会问到一些没准备的问题? 会不会不通过很丢人? 生活上, 之前是没有自己的收入来源, 花父母的钱总不踏实, 导致有时畏手畏脚, 甚至对喜欢的人也是.",[10,38,39,40,44,45,47,48,50,51,53],{},"这就是一个闭环: 没学明白 ",[41,42,43],"code",{"code":43},"->"," 面试不顺 ",[41,46,43],{"code":43}," 无收入 ",[41,49,43],{"code":43}," 担心钱 ",[41,52,43],{"code":43}," 该学习了",[10,55,56],{},"有时候觉得自己应该找个心理医生聊聊, 不知道从什么时候开始, 自己越来越像小时候讨厌的样子, 不知道什么开始不敢去尝试, 讨厌找门道, 把自己塞进了一个黑箱拒绝交流. 很羡慕那些张口就来, 能快速融入话题, 不怯场敢尝试的人. 希望能多少变一点吧, 2026能改多少呢?",[10,58,59],{},"还是讨厌自己的感情过程了.",[10,61,62],{},"刷到这个视频又点了很多相关推荐, 我还是没办法原谅自己, 每一步我都没有走好, 回想起来都觉得自己真的很差劲. 明明那么短的距离我为什么不一起陪着坐火车去看看呢? 当旅游也好啊. 是一次都没有啊. 我当时究竟是怎么想的呢, 我又在担心什么. 明明自己能抽出时间, 为什么没有陪着她第一次坐飞机出差呢, 担心自己那个破考研时间吗, 真的好讨厌以前的自己. 最后想买点贵重的东西, 看了好久了, 但是来不及了. 自己造的孽自己得承担.",[10,64,65],{},"好矛盾, 现在是希望看到有更新还是不希望看到呢? 希望你好好的, 什么都要很好.\n不会再给别人画饼了, 也不会再给别人虚假的希望了, 如果我更好了, 我再回来吧.",{"title":67,"searchDepth":68,"depth":68,"links":69},"",4,[],[71],"生活",true,"2026-05-08 00:13:14","一些想说的话, 也不知道能说给谁, 先放在这里.",false,"md",null,{"slots":79},{},"/2026/say-sth-to-me",{"text":82,"minutes":83,"time":84,"words":85},"5 min read",4.19,251400,838,{"title":5,"description":74},{"loc":80},"posts/2026/say-sth-to-me",[90,91],"杂谈","日记","story","2026-05-09 10:04:36","lU86lRXYyReuuHNeQVVsf3FhMyZ-LQ9Fyb7gJUpCP7s",[96,77],{"title":97,"path":98,"stem":99,"date":100,"type":101,"children":-1},"Harness Engineering","/2026/harness-engineering","posts/2026/harness-engineering","2026-04-09 22:20:00","tech",1778311048012]